


The Welcoming Committee

by cicak



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bondage, Crack, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Threesomes, Utter Filth, how to train your stormtrooper, sex positive resistance pilots, such crack, terrible sexual innuendos, the resistance are all banging each other and it is wonderful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:12:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5954860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cicak/pseuds/cicak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its called the welcoming committee, and it is the worst kept secret on the resistance base.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Welcoming Committee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deputychairman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deputychairman/gifts).



Its called the welcoming committee, and it is the worst kept secret on the resistance base.

There’s been a steady stream of defections since the destruction of the starkiller base, most of whom are young, traumatised, beautiful stormtroopers, who get folded into the various work crews on the base with little to no problem. Stormtroopers are well trained, and there always seems to be a new face around, looking a bit lost but very eager.

Socially however, they have a problem.

Stormtroopers are badly socialised cortisol junkies who have been on the edge of survival for most of their young lives. Given freedom, they tend to go off the rails, and after the third consecutive month of trashed rooms and a particularly virulent strain of space gonorrhea that required heavy antibiotics and awkward conversations, the welcoming committee was formed to help socialise these poor young things to regular society (or as close to which that the resistance base, with its young, idealistic population, can approximate) through information about Healthy Limits, Safer Sexual Congress and Forming a Better Relationship with Alcohol.

Sometimes it involves practical demonstrations, and there have been some new relationships come out of it, but generally it’s all just good, clean, informal, peer-to-peer social education for those who never had any. 

This, at least, is what the Welcoming Committee told General Organa.

To the shock of no one, the spiritual head of the welcoming committee is Commander Poe Dameron, generally accepted to be the founding father of the ex stormtrooper socialisation movement. Many of the new recruits arrive wanting him to socialise them personally, having seen the ill-advised wanted posters the First Order had disseminated throughout their internal comms, until they had to revoke printer privileges due to continuously running out of orange ink. It had reached the point where, during induction, new recruits to the committee are warned that Poe and Finn are considered best case scenarios, and it shouldn’t be assumed that they’d have the same success.

(When Finn finds this out, he nods sagely for a long second, before leaving and bursting out laughing the moment he can get out hearing distance. Poe Dameron couldn’t socialise a Meduza if his life depended on it.)

However, all of this was before former Captain Phasma arrived with an entire squadron of her best troopers, and throws their entire system into disarray.

\---

Finn doesn’t recognise her face at first, but as she walks towards him instantly he recognises that strut. 

When she would stalk around the base her height seemed fitting, but out in the real world, under the vast blue sky, she seemed impossibly tall, towering above her recruits, who without their armour seemed the opposite, tiny children clustering around their mother.

Phasma wears her armour under her skin, which is the reason why it takes weeks for her to be considered clear to actually leave the holding cells. Her interrogation was undertaken by the diminutive General Organa herself, which would have been hilarious if it wasn’t so terrifying.

“What do you think they’re doing in there?” Finn asks Jessika, who has been on guard duty most of the morning.

“Hell if I know. Its either torture or cocktails, you can never tell with the General. Sometimes she likes to kill them, sometimes she likes to kill them with kindness. You were lucky, kid, that you rolled over so easily. There’s a reason they let Leia start another resistance so easily, everyone was fucking terrified of her.”

“Really?” Finn says, trying to peer through the tiny window in the door, and then through the keyhole.”

Jess is grinning. “Oh yeah. She’d have eaten you alive. You’re lucky she likes Poe so much, she let him get dibs.”

“Poe does not have dibs on me!”

“Well, obviously not anymore.” Jess rolls her eyes. 

Before they can argue any more, or get onto any awkward questions about whether Finn wishes Poe had dibs on him, there’s a muffled scraping sound of metal-on-metal, and the door swings open.

Phasma and the General walk out side by side, still chatting quietly. Leia pats Phasma’s arm, and smiles. “I’ll leave you in the capable hands of Captain Pava here, she’ll show you your quarters and around the base.”

“Duty calls” Jess mutters, and heads off.

\--

“It’s useless” Jess says, days later. “She’s insane. None of us can connect with her. She’s just too...in charge. She doesn’t know how to relax at all. She still looks like she’s holding a blaster to your throat when she’s calmly watching a holo. I invited her for dinner and she looked at me like she didn’t understand why humans need sustenance.”

They’re in Poe’s rooms at the far end of the barracks, partly because they’re the quietest ones, and partly because they’re at the end of the corridor and therefore much easier to have difficult conversations without him running away.

“At least we don’t have to worry about her taking over the base.” Finn says. “None of her former subordinates will be in the same room as her.”

“Yes well, we may have mentioned that sedition was punishable by death. And Snap may have been a little...generous with the truth when defining sedition.”

Everyone turns to glare at Snap, who looks over his shoulder at BB-8 charging in the corner.

“Anyway”, Poe says, “I don’t know why we are having this meeting in my rooms anyway.”

“You’re our spiritual leader.” Jess says. “We follow in your example. You are an inspiration to us all. Time to step up.”

“Spiritual leader. You’re the actual leader. Spiritual leaders tend to not have to do much work. Anyway, I have a perfect record socialising enemy combatants. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Yeah, with your dick”, Snap scoffs.

“Shut up, Snap. Finn is pure and untouched by the Damerdong,” Jess rebukes.

“Please stop calling it that.” Poe pleads. 

“I am _right here_ ” Finn cuts in.

“And still beautiful and pure” Jess croons.

“I have sex. I have sex a lot. I had sex _yesterday_. I had sex yesterday _with you_.”

“That’s how I know” Jess grins. “Pure as the driven snow. Unsullied. Dameron socialised you well. You think I don’t recognise his technique?”

Everyone goes silent, except Snap, who puts his hand up for a high five no one takes.

“Well,” Jess clears her throat as they all ignore Snap’s waving arm. “If you don’t think you can _do it_...”

“Oh fuck you, Pava” Poe says. “You know what happened the last time you dared me to do something.”

She tosses her hair back off her shoulder as she moves to go. “Shh, Poe, not in front of the innocents”.

\--

Poe wants to call the mission Operation Immovable Force, but Jessika is the one who set up the group chat, and so instead Operation Götterdämerdong got off to a flying start when Finn is assigned to make small talk with her in the mess.

The resistance mess hall consists of several long tables with attached benches for ultimate efficient, if uncomfortable, seating. Finn spots Phasma in the middle of the room, elbow to elbow with some of the ground staff. Her blonde hair stands out against the majority dark haired resistance.

“Did you choose another name?” Finn asks her, having slowly edged his way down the long table over the course of the meal until he is in front of her. “I really found it helped in blending in, really putting the First Order behind me. Having a fresh start.”

Phasma scoffs, and doesn’t even look up. “I highly doubt that, since it is based on your serial number. Surely you could have picked something more unique if you really wanted a fresh start.” She looks up at that point, and pierces him with her gaze. It is very blue. “As for your first question, I’ve been Phasma for longer than most of my recruits have been alive. I have already earned my name. It was forged by fire and I wear it with pride. I would not be here without the First Order, and I would be fool to forget it.”

She downs the rest of her blue milk, and leaves without looking at him again.

“Burn”, BB-8 whistles by his feet.

\--

After that pathetic display, Poe decided to go old school, really get the job done. It had been scientifically proven that all women like a man in uniform, and while his ground uniform is an embarrassing example of unflattering ‘one size fits no one’ bureaucratic couture, he has his flight commander’s uniform from the old days. It may have the wrong insignia on it, and technically be from a different force, but it still fits, and the leather only creaks a little. 

He sends a picture to the group, and they only make fun of him for twenty minutes before getting bored, so he figures it’s a good enough look. 

He finds Phasma at the officer’s bar, nursing what looks like a double measure of Padawan’s Curse. 

“I’ll have what she’s having” he smarms at the bartender.

“Are you sure, Master Dameron?” says Threepio, in that worried tone he always has. “You have history of not dealing well with this particular drink”.

“You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” Phasma says. Her teeth are very white and sharp, like a predator. 

Poe holds up his hands in what he thinks is a peaceful gesture but is actually obscene in twelve systems, “hey, I’m just having a drink. Maybe a bit of conversation? Or not! Either is fine. Maybe you have some embarrassing stories about Finn from when he was a stormtrooper? Or you know, there’s a dartboard over there and we stuck Kylo Ren’s face on it, if you need some catharsis. Just don’t tell the General.”

Phasma narrows her eyes at him. He leaves.

\--

_Now entering group chat: OPERATION GÖTTERDÄMERDONG_

**Poe.Dameron:** She’s strong with the force, I swear, I can feel it. I barely said anything and then I just left! I didn’t even want to! She’s definitely a jedi here to double-cross us all.

 **Jessika.Pava:** Didn’t the general say you were the least force sensitive person she’d ever met?

 **Finn.[LAST_NAME_UNDEFINED: {Please consult manual to continue}]:** Yeah, you couldn’t even turn on a lightsaber. She’s just scary, man. Nothing supernatural about that. 

\--

They decide to tackle her together, because it was getting embarrassing.

“I’m scared of her, man” Finn says. 

Poe clasps his shoulder, “I know, buddy, me too.”

They approach her quarters hand in hand. Together, they knock on her door. And then, a strange thing happens.

The door opens, and Phasma grins.

“Oh _finally_ , I’ve been waiting for this. Come inside.”

They do. The door closes behind them with a thunk, and then the click of the automatic lock.

“The general warned me about all this, you know.” she says, slinking around them into the bedroom of her quarters.

“About what exactly?” Poe asks, hesitantly.

“About how you will try and make small talk about choosing names and avoiding venereal disease and alcohol tolerance rather than make normal conversation.”

“She did?”

“She did.”

“Did she say if she....knows anything else? About the scheme?”

“Commander, there is little on this base that woman doesn’t know. Leia Organa is a legend in her own right. She is a fierce negotiator and a damn fine General and it is a pleasure to serve under her.”

Finn nods vigorously. “You’re right there.”

“I share your goals, Commander. Your own commanding officer cleared me as trustworthy and allowed me clemency to join your fight. I came to you as an equal, and as an adult. I obviously have a name, I can hold my drink, and I passed your medical scan with flying colours. Now take off your pants.”

“What?” Poe gasps.

Phasma smiles that predatory smile again. “You too Finn. Or is this not the welcoming committee I have heard so much about?”

\---

Phasma is wearing a long draped dress that is actually a long piece of cloth in a complex, twisted design that somehow skims her body like art, but that falls dramatically to the floor once she undoes the knot at the nape of her neck. She is glorious underneath, her body so strong, every muscle long and well defined, every curve mathematically perfect. Her breasts are beautiful, full and slightly pendulous, and neither of them can keep their eyes off them.

“You should get on your knees, Commander, and show me this famed recruitment technique of the resistance.”

He drops down, grinning, leaving Finn alone up there with her. They’re very close, and Phasma only has to bend forward a little and they’re kissing. The angle is strange with Poe knelt in front of her, but Finn luxuriates in the kiss, and Phasma gasps into his mouth as Poe gets to work. It is shockingly intimate, even if the lighting is overly bright behind his eyelids and he’s getting a crick in his neck kissing someone taller, but Finn can feel the brush of Poe’s hair against his thighs as he eats Phasma out with expertise, the small movements of his head just this side of ticklish. He gets his hands on her breasts and she growls with pleasure, and within minutes, under both of their ministrations, she’s panting her first orgasm into Finn’s lush mouth.

“You are really good at that” she says, helping Poe up. She kisses his shiny, wet face, and Poe’s eyes flutter close and there’s even slick in his eyelashes, it is incredible. He looks drunk, and when Phasma puts her two hands on his chest and pushes, he collapses onto her bed in a perfect trust fall. 

“You should go join your friend” Phasma says, turning her back to them. “We aren’t done yet.”

She ties them both to her headboard with the cloth of her dress so that they are lying next to each other, face up. Poe’s hands are well restrained, but the place where Finn is lying has fewer opportune nooks and crannies to tie him to, and so he ends up less well restrained. “I trained you myself, young Finn” Phasma says, patting his cheek. She’s leaning over him and her breasts are really very distracting. “I can trust you to follow my orders, so here they are: stay here and watch. I have plans for you, but your pretty friend here, I need to keep him where I can see him.”

Poe whimpers at that, and then groans suddenly so loudly it hurts Finn’s ears. His eyes fly open as Phasma lowers herself down onto Poe’s cock in one smooth movement, and then, with only a moment to get comfortable, gets down to the business of riding him like a pony.

The whole thing is so erotic Finn struggles to take it all in. The way Poe rocks under her thrusts is hypnotic, the way she braces herself against his thighs, head thrown back in ecstasy, not to mention the grunts and groans they are pulling out of each other and the wet slap of skin on skin as they both go for it. Poe’s hips are working hard, his feet are unrestrained and he has his heels dug into the mattress and is doing his best to keep up with the punishing rhythm Phasma is setting for him.

Poe’s hair is long at the top, longer than regulation states it should be, and it’s curling like a cresting wave and looks so very touchable, so Finn tests whether he can get his hand in it. It turns out that he can, and it’s as thick and soft as he had thought. He gives an experimental tug and Poe sounds like he’s about to start crying it’s so good.

“This isn’t how I expected to end up in bed with you” Poe pants. 

“Did you think about it?” Finn asks, fascinated. “Because I didn’t think you did.”

“I...god...I want to have this conversation because it seems very important but you’re pulling my hair and oh god, Phasma, you’re so wet, oh god, buddy I am going to come and I really need to concentrate”

With that, Phasma presses one long finger to her clit and comes so hard she nearly shakes herself off the bed. She eases off Poe’s cock, still hard and nearly purple with need, and with a wicked smile, swings her leg over Finn’s hip and he swears his heart stops just at the feel of her body heat.

“Don’t let me get in the way of your conversation” she says, and takes Finn’s cock in her hand, rubbing it against her clit in idle circles.

“Does that feel as good as it looks?” Poe asks.

Finn is biting his lips with the effort of staying sane. “Fuck man, you have no idea. Like god, I feel like I’m going to get devoured. And I think I’m going to love it.”

She takes him inside her so slowly and Finn howls, his head thrown back until it bangs against the headboard.

Unlike the relentless pace of how she rode Poe until the wheels fell off, this time Phasma is taking her time, stirring Finn’s dick inside her so slowly, then rising and descending slower still. 

“What do you need, buddy? Poe asks, kind of redundantly as Finn is probably getting his life’s fantasies fulfilled right now.

“Talk to me” Finn says, and it’s so simple, .

“What do you want me to say? You can use your hips you know, dig your heels in and give as good as you’re getting. I’m not going to be much help though because all I can really think is that I would definitely like to be where she is right now. I think you’d like that too, I think that we are probably going to be doing that soon because now I’ve seen your cock I am not going to be able to stop thinking about getting it all slicked up and getting you to fuck me through the mattress. If I could I’d do it right after our lovely host has had her third orgasm on that enormous dick of yours and I’d just use her slick to get you inside me but I swear I am going to come the moment I am untied because this is just the hottest thing that has ever happened to me.”

“nrrgh” is all Finn can say to that, and even that is drowned out by the howl of pleasure as Phasma comes her third orgasm, right on cue, clutching around him so tight and it is very nearly too much, but Poe is biting his lip at him and saying “don’t come, save it for me, come on” and Finn just manages to pull it back.

“I need my dress back”, Phasma says, as she unties them. 

The moment they’re free they move as one. It’s as if someone had grabbed both edges of the bed and folded them together, the way they just roll together and are instantly kissing deeply, no warm up, just open mouth to open mouth. Finn has both his hands in Poe’s marvellous hair and his cock pressed against the cup of his hip, and they only manage to roll and rut against each other for a bare, exquisite minute until they’re coming against each other’s warm skin, panting obscenities and eternities into each other’s mouths.

“Well,” Phasma says as she ties her dress back on, a bemused smile on her face. “I think that went well. I might go get something to eat. Captain Pava mentioned that tonight is something called ‘taco night’, and that she’d love for me to come, so I might go take her up on that. Enjoy! Let yourselves out when you’re done.”

“Do you think she knows that taco night was yesterday?” Finn says, his breathing finally slowing to its normal rate. 

“As far as Jess is concerned, every night is taco night” Poe waggles his eyebrows and stretches out his sore shoulders with a groan. When he opens his eyes, Finn looks lost.

Poe sighs, “If we could just weaponise innuendo, maybe we’d finally have a something to bring down the First Order once and for all. You’re all hopeless. It’s a good thing you left, so you can get a proper education.”

Finn laughs, and then it’s quiet, and Poe is about to doze off in the big warm bed when Finn speaks.

“Hey, Poe”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still at 100%. You’re still the best.”

Poe scoffs, and buries his face in by Finn’s ear. “Like there was any doubt.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was almost called Operation: Gotterdamerdong and honestly I am regretting not doing so.  
> I blamed Deputychairman for this last time for encouraging me to get down with my bad self, but this time while she gave me the original prompt, all the escalation was 100% my own fault, and I'm okay with that.
> 
> Come hang out with me on my tumblr where I scream like R2D2 about TFA: [cicaklah.tumblr.com](http://cicaklah.tumblr.com)


End file.
